The little red book
by Schrijvertje
Summary: Thorin stays in coma after Bofa. As Bilbo stays at his bedside, the hobbit finds Thorin's journal and reads it, finding out about his feelings for a certain hobbit. Disclaimer: Baggenshield! Spoileralert!
1. The red covered journal

**Thorin survives the battle of five armies, but remains in a coma.  
As Bilbo sits by his side in his room, the hobbit gets the idea to write a book about their adventures.  
Searching for paper, ink and a feather to write with, he finds a red covered book. Looking into it, he sees it is Thorin's journal of their quest to Erebor.  
Knowing that it isn't the right thing to do, but promising to read his own journal to the dwarf, Bilbo starts reading Thorin's journal.  
Getting further into the journal, he discovers feelings of the dwarf towards him. Feelings he never believed to be possible.**

**Disclaimer: All work belongs to Tolkien.**  
**Bagginshield. So if you don't ship, or don't like the ship. Don't read.**  
**Spoileralert: May contain parts of the book/ Movie.**

**Enjoy reading.**

* * *

Bilbo felt no pain, neither did he feel grieve or sorrow or any other emotion as he was sitting at the side of Thorin's bed.

He felt numb, like there was nothing left inside of him, like his heart had stopped feeling from the moment that damned orc had driven it's sword into Thorin's abdomen.

He remembered screaming as he saw the sword go in, he remembered how he had killed the orc in the few seconds of blind rage that had washed over him.

He remembered Thorin's dark blue eyes going wide out of shock as the dwarf seemed to realize what had happened, his hands grasping at the gaping wound, from which blood was pouring out way too quickly.

He remembered him collapsing onto the ground, his face already having an alarming greyish color, his lips turning blue and his gaze growing distant.

He remembered how the world had seemed to stop as he had fallen down onto his knees next to the deadly wounded king, how the noise of the ongoing battle hadn't reached his ears and the movements of the other warriors hadn't caught his eye.

He remembered closing his heart to everything on that moment, knowing that if he allowed himself to feel while bending over a dying Thorin, his hands fluttering over the bleeding wound helplessly, it would destroy him.

He remembered screaming for help, but by the time help had come, Thorin's eyelids had been closed and his respiration had gone weak.

He remembered thinking they were too late, thinking that Thorin would die and still not feeling anything at all as they carried their king away, bringing him into safety.

He hadn't been able to feel anything for weeks now, he didn't know how to let everything back in.

It was like he had turned off his emotions without having an idea about how to turn them back on and he honestly didn't know if he had to consider it a bad thing.

Simply because he didn't know if he could handle it when all the feelings he had been supposed to feel for weeks, would wash over him all at once.

So he just sat there, on the edge of Thorin's bed, were he had been sitting every day since the battle of five armies, watching the steadily rising and falling of his chest, waiting for him to finally wake up.

He had killed time by telling him stories of their quest to Erebor or by telling him things about the others of the company. He had told him how they were restoring Erebor to its former glory, he had told him about how they were doing the same with Dale and Lake town.

He had told him about every single thing that he could think off, even though it wasn't important or relevant, hoping Thorin could hear everything and would wake up.

Bilbo had been close to giving up hope when a new idea occurred on his mind, he wanted to write down their adventure and while writing it, he would tell every word to Thorin.

He had kept a journal, wherein he had written down almost everything that had happened on their way to the lonely mountains and he could use it as a leading wire to write the story.

He jumped off the bed to search for a feather, some ink and paper to write on, assuming he should be able to find it in Thorin's room.

As he was searching through the stuff on Thorin's shelves, filled with books and decorative things, he spotted a red covered book, a red covered book that he had seen before.

Taking it from the shelf, he remembered seeing Thorin with it a couple of times while they were on their way to Erebor.

The occasions he had seen him with it had been rare and the dwarf always had been discretely removed from the others while writing in it, but Bilbo had noticed it anyway.

Nevertheless he never had felt the urge to ask Thorin what he was writing down.

With the book in his hand, Bilbo walked back to the bed and sat down on it again.

Giving a short glance to the still unconscious dwarf before he opened it.

_**Journal of the quest to Erebor. **_

Reading these first few words, Bilbo quickly closed the journal again, his heart racing in his chest out of excitement, glancing over to the still unconscious dwarf one more time before his eyes got pulled back to the journal which he still was holding.

He couldn't possibly read it, that would be a serious violation of Thorin's privacy and if he ever found out, the dwarf would probably strangle him.

On the other hand, reading the story of their quest to Erebor out of another point of view, really would help him with writing his book.

Another good reason to read it was the fact that he was feeling something, he felt excited and even though it wasn't much and it still wasn't the way he was supposed to feel, but at least he felt something.

He opened the journal again, staring at the first six words Thorin had written down.

" I'm going to read your journal and in return I will read mine to you out loud.' Bilbo softly said, looking at the dwarf. " If you don't want me to read it, you better wake up right now."

He stared at Thorin for a few minutes, hoping his warning would have the desired effect and he would wake up.

When he hadn't moved or opened his eyes a few minutes later, Bilbo browsed to the next page and started reading.

* * *

_I met Gandalf today, one of the greatest and wisest wizards that walk the earth._

_We met in the prancing pony in Bree, pure by chance as far that I know._

_I just wanted to start my diner as I noticed a man in the corner watching me, I looked around and saw another man in the opposite direction doing the same. _

_Both of them started to walk towards me, my hand was already on my sword, ready to defend myself if necessary. _

_That's when Gandalf sat down before me, the two men stopped dead in their track and went back to their seat._

_To be honest, the wizard couldn't have chosen a better time to intervene and I was glad he had done so, since I didn't want to start a fight in a tavern full of innocent people._

_He introduced himself to me as Gandalf the Grey, I told him I knew who he was. _

_Then he asked me what brought me to Bree, I answered him that I had heard word about my father being seen around Dunland and I was looking for him, but I found no sign of him. _

_This brought Gandalf to start talking about the Lonely mountains, which was taken from us by the dragon Smaug. He told me he had urged my father to march upon Erebor and take back the Lonely mountain the last time he saw him and now he wanted to say the same to me._

_When I said that our meeting wasn't by chance, he confirmed it wasn't. _

_He told me the Lonely mountain troubled him, he was afraid sooner or later some dark minds would turn towards Erebor. _

_He also told me that he ran into some unsavory characters on his way here, from which one was carrying a message._

_He showed it to me, then told me it was black speech and when I looked at him with unease he told me it was a promise of payment._

_I asked him for what, he answered that it was for my head, someone wanted me dead._

_Gandalf urged me to unite the army of dwarfs, he said I should summon a meeting between the seven dwarf families and demand they stand by their oath._

_I told him they swore the oath to the one who wields the King's jewel, the Arkenstone. Which is the only thing what will unite them and unfortunately for us, the Arkenstone was stolen by Smaug._

_He said he would help me, I asked him how he would do that, since the King's jewel was buried underneath the feet of a fire breathing dragon._

_He told me we would need a burglar and he said he knew just the perfect person to do the job. _

_He didn't give me much more information though, he didn't want to tell me who he was going to ask to be our burglar._

_Nevertheless, by the time we had finished our dinner, we agreed on marching upon Erebor._

_Now we only had to find volunteers to come with us and until this very moment, it's a task I can't easily complete.  
_

* * *

" Gandalf had been planning this all along." Bilbo said, more to himself then to Thorin. " He already knew he was going to pull me into this adventure. I was chanceless from the moment he started to talk about taking a burglar."

He glanced over at the king, who was still deep asleep. " Well, I promised to read my journal to you, although I doubt you can hear it. But I'll give it a try anyway. Let me tell you how I met Gandalf the Grey."

* * *

_A very peculiar thing happened to me today. _

_This morning, when I was smoking my pipe and enjoying the nice weather on the bench in my garden, a strange figure , wearing a grey cape and a grey, pointed hat walked by. _

" _Good morning" I said, on which he stopped and looked at me from under his long bushy eyebrows. _

_He asked me what I meant with that sentence, if I wished him a good morning, or if I meant that it was a good morning whether he liked it or not, or that I felt good that morning, or that it was a morning to feel good on. _

_He got me confused , pointing out to me in how many ways a simple good morning could be understood._

_I eventually told him I meant all of them at once._

_He kept staring at me, it made me feel a bit uncomfortable so I decided to ask him if I could help him with something, that's when he told me he was searching for someone to share in an adventure._

_It startled me, how could this weird old man think he would find someone who would like to go on an adventure in the Shire? _

_Hobbits don't like adventures, they think about them as nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things, which make you late for dinner. _

_I told him this, then I got up to collect my mail from the mailbox and started back for the door. _

_Then he said something what made me turn around again in surprise. _

_I quote: " To think I that I should have lived to be good- morninged by Belladonna Took's son , as if I was selling buttons at the door!"_

" _Beg your pardon?' I asked, still startled by the mentioning of my mother's name by this peculiar fellow. _

_He told me that I had changed, and not entirely for the better, on which I asked him if I knew him, since I still had no idea about who he was._

_He said that I knew his name, although I didn't remember it, then introduced himself as Gandalf._

_Hearing that name I suddenly knew who he was, it was Gandalf the wandering wizard, who made such excellent fireworks. I remember old Took having them at Midsummer's Eve. _

_I told him about the fireworks, I also told him I didn't know he was still in business, on which he asked me where else he should be. _

_I had no answer to that, but he didn't seem to mind, he said he was pleased that I remembered something about him, even if it was only his fireworks._

_Then he nodded, more to himself then to me and said: " Well, that's decided. It'll be very good for you, and most amusing for me. I shall inform the others."_

_I almost got hysterical at that point, I asked him who he was going to inform, then said no. _

_I didn't want to go on an adventure, and he wasn't going to drag me into it, over my cold dead body._

_Quickly I walked to the door, then I turned again to tell him we didn't want any adventures here. _

_I told him he should try over the hill or across the water, then I wished him a good morning once more and went inside, locking the door behind me. _

_That wizard really got on my nerves, and I wanted to go make myself a second breakfast when I heard some noise, so I went to look through the window, only to see Gandalf staring back at me._

_I quickly looked away and tried again a few minutes later, and I was just in time to see him walk away. _

_I was relieved, for a moment I believed that bloody wizard was going to wait at my door until I came out again._

_Glad that he was gone, I went to make my second breakfast and by the time I was done eating it, Gandalf was carefully tucked away in the back of my mind._

* * *

Bilbo swallowed when he was done reading the first page of his journal, unaware that his eyes slid back to Thorin, who still lay peacefully in his sleep.

There was no sign that he had heard anything from what Bilbo just had told, no movement that could indicate that Thorin would wake up soon.

" This is the easy part, you know? The part about Gandalf and meeting the company, meeting you." Bilbo softly said. " It will get harder to read this out loud when I come to the part where I actually start to care."

He stared at his black covered journal for a while, then he putted it on top of Thorin's red covered one.

" I should go see how the others are doing." He mumbled before he jumped of off the bed again. " I'll be back soon."

He quickly kissed the dwarf's forehead, then left the room and made his way through the halls of Erebor to see what the others were doing.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**  
**I hope you liked it this far.**  
**Don't forget to leave a review. ;)**

**Schrijvertje**


	2. Take me back to the start

**Hi,**

**First of all, thank you for the story alerts and the reviews. They mean a lot to me :)  
****So, here's the second chapter of this story. It's mostly about what happened in Bilbo's house when he met the dwarves for the first time. Only written in Thorin's and Bilbo's perspective. Still a bit early for the feelings the two have for each other. :P**

**Enjoy reading.**

* * *

_I met our burglar today._

_To be honest, I didn't really know what to expect him to be like, but I certainly wasn't expecting this._

_From the moment I first saw him, I felt like Gandalf had made a big mistake and when he opened his mouth, that feeling got even worse._

_Our burglar clearly doesn't know how to fight, it looks like he hasn't handled a weapon in his entire life and I don't have the slightest idea of how we could use him on our quest._

_Not that it still matters, the halfling decided not to come with us and I have to say it's a relieve._  
_Only the thought of having to look after him… Well, I'm going on this quest to take back Erebor from the dragon, not to babysit._

_Anyway, he still seemed to be interested while we were discussing or journey, but as soon he got the contract and read it, he fainted._

_I know the contract speaks of the dragon and that there are possible painful deaths described in it, but fainting by just reading it…? I wonder what he would do when he actually stood face to face with a real life dragon._

_It seems to me the halfling has no spine at all, I couldn't find the slightest bit of courage radiating from him._

_When he gained back consciousness, he excused himself and told us he wasn't the right person for the job, then he went into his room and didn't come back out again._

_Not that I am complaining, he's useless anyway, if he would come with us, he would be nothing more than a burden._

_A burden that would keep us back from reaching our goal._

_Nevertheless I have to admit it's nice of him to let us use his house to congregate, although I doubt he was expecting us in the first place._

_With the halfling not coming, our company now counts fourteen members, me, twelve other dwarves who are courageous enough to face the dragon and Gandalf._

_I know this quest isn't going to be easy, a lot of dangers lay on the way to the lonely mountains, but with my twelve skilled warriors, it must be possible to reach Erebor and slay the worm that made our kingdom his home._

_We will show him who's home Erebor truly is..._

* * *

Bilbo closed the journal, a soft smile lingering around his lips.

The dwarf's words had hurt him back then, and he couldn't say they didn't have any effect on him now.

But it was easier to read them, it would have been harder to hear them out of Thorin's mouth again.

Then there also was the fact that he knew Thorin had changed his mind about him later on, what made the words in his journal irrelevant.

" You don't speak very nice of me." Bilbo said, looking at the unconscious king. " It's ok though. On the next page of my journal I don't speak very nice about you either. Or about the others for that matter."

Bilbo chuckled by the memory of writing down that particular evening in his journal, he had been so frustrated back then. Now it were memories he would cherish forever.

* * *

_I should have known that damn wizard wouldn't leave me alone._

_The thought about him has haunted me for days, I've been afraid to run into him every time I left the house._

_It seems like I don't have to leave the house for him to get to me, he's in my living room on this moment, together with thirteen dwarves I never have seen before._

_It started when I wanted to eat my dinner._

_The doorbell rang and I went to open the door, finding a rough eyeing dwarf on my doorstep._

_He introduced himself as Dwalin and made a bow, then he came in and asked me which way it was._

_I was startled, I never had seen him before and I had no idea what he was talking about, so I asked him._

_He threw his coat at me, then told me he was talking about supper._

_He made his way to the kitchen, where he sat down and helped himself on my supper._

_After he had finished my plate he asked me if I had any more._

_Of course stupid me brought him a plate of scones, which he started stuffing in his mouth._

_I wanted to explain to him that I hadn't been expecting visitors when the doorbell rang again._

_The dwarf was so ' polite' to point it out to me, so I went and opened the door again to find a second dwarf on my doorstep._

_This one seemed to be older than the one who named himself Dwalin and his hair and beard both were white. He introduced himself as Balin and let himself in, asking if he was late._

_I wondered what he possibly could be late for, but I didn't have the chance to ask him since he already had noticed the other dwarf and went to great him._

_Getting a bit frustrated I started to tell them I was pretty sure they found themselves in the wrong house._

_Both of them ignored me though, they were way too busy with raiding my pantry._

_It was only when I excused myself from being so blunt that they turned around, accepted my apology and continued to raid my pantry._

_The doorbell rang again after that and when I went to open it I found two young dwarves standing there who introduced themselves as Kili and Fili._

_I immediately told them they couldn't come in, there were enough dwarves in my house as it was and I wanted to shut the door._

_One of them stopped me by placing his foot between the door and asked if it had been canceled._

_Not knowing what they were talking about I told them nothing was canceled._

_Stupid mistake from my side, because the two let themselves in._

_The blond one gave me his swords which were wrapped in cloths with the message to be careful with them, because he just had gotten them sharpened._

_They got called by Dwalin to come help, apparently my dining room wasn't big enough to fit everyone in_

_What left me with the question if more dwarves were coming, and of course there were._

_As the four dwarves were rearranging my dining room the doorbell rang again, and although I knew what was coming, I opened the door._

_That's when I got buried underneath a bunch of dwarves, they came falling right into the house._

_Behind them, a familiar figure poked his head through the door. Gandalf…_

_The bunch of dwarves that had literally fallen through my front door started to help raiding my pantry._

_They took stuff I'd rather had they kept their hands of, so I filled my time with going after every dwarf that carried something valuable._

_Not that it helped much, they got their hands on everything and by the time they gathered around the table, my house was a mess and my pantry was emptier then it ever had been._

_I complained to Gandalf about what they had done to my house, but the wizard laughed it off._

_After they had finished eating, one of them wondered what he should do with his plate._

_The one named Fili knew a solution to that, he started to throw the plates to another dwarf in the kitchen._

_When I complained about it, the other dwarves started to use the cutlery to play music, and when I said something about it, they started to sing._

_A song that made fun of me, but I have to admit it was pretty catchy._

_When they stopped singing, I walked into the kitchen and found my plates and cutlery neatly cleaned and stacked, together with a bunch of laughing dwarves._

_How they managed to do it without breaking something? I have no idea._

_While we were still in the kitchen there came three hard knocks on the door and the dwarves stopped laughing immediately._

_Gandalf announced he was here. Who he was, I had no idea of._

_The only thing I was pretty sure of, was that it would be another dwarf._

_The wizard went to open the door, and indeed another dwarf was standing there._

_This one had long black hair with strands of grey in it, his beard was shorter than the beards of the others and he had blue eyes._

_He greeted Gandalf, then told him he got lost twice and that he wouldn't have found the place if it wasn't for the mark on the door._

_Mark on the door? There was no mark on my door._

_I told them there was no mark on the door, but Gandalf said there was, he had put it there himself._

_Leave it to that bloody wizard to get my house ruined…_

_Gandalf introduced us to each other, learning me the dwarf was Thorin Oakenshield, the leader of our company._

_What company he was talking about? I still had no clue._

_The dwarf looked at me, his eyes almost piercing through me, then he asked me if I had done much fighting._

_I didn't know what he was talking about. Me, Bilbo Baggins and fighting? It doesn't sound like a good combination to me._

_Then he asked me what my weapon of choice was, I answered I have some skill at conkers, but I failed to see the relevance of the question._

_He said he thought as much, said I looked more like a grocer then a burglar, which made all the other dwarves laugh._

_They went into the dining room and served food to the rather rude dwarf, then, while he was eating, they finally started discussing the topic which had made them gather in my house._

_Turned out they were going on a quest to take back their kingdom from a dragon._

_Only the idea I found crazy, but the worst part was they wanted me to go with them as their burglar…_

_Their burglar, for God's sake, I never have stolen anything in my life._

_Thorin handed me a contract, which I did read and immediately after reading it I said no, then I fainted._

_When I gained consciousness again, I had a talk with Gandalf, who tried to convince me to come on their quest._

_I still refused, I told him I was not the hobbit they were looking for, then I went into my room and I'm still sitting there now._

_The dwarves still are in my house, I can hear them talk and only a few moments ago I heard them sing a song._

_It brought goose bumps to my flesh when I heard it, their voices were full of pain._

_For a second I felt guilty about not wanting to help them, then again, how could getting killed by a dragon be of any help._

_I think it's for the best if I stay home, were I won't be in anyone's way._

* * *

Bilbo closed his own journal, trying to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat.

" If I had known back then, how much I would start to care about you. About all of you." He said, his eyes landing on the unconscious figure he had been reading to. " I would have signed that stupid contract immediately. I would have traveled to the end of the world for you. All of it without complaining."

Bilbo softly stroked the king's hair. " Just to let you know how much I love you, Thorin Oakenshield."

* * *

**Thanks for reading.  
Don't forget to leave a review. ;)**

**Schrijvertje**


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